


Were You Expecting An Exploding Pen?

by Jongo



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Multi, New Enemy Parallax, Secret Intelligence Service | MI6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5753353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jongo/pseuds/Jongo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At 5:00 am precisely everyday a kettle boils in an apartment in London. And a young quartermaster makes his first cup of Earl Grey.<br/>That is, until a mission goes wrong and a new enemy steps into the light.<br/>Parallax cooperatives are masters of disguise and deception.<br/>Can Q and 007 work through their differences to stop Parallax before it’s too late?</p><p>(Exploding Pen Universe)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Morning Q

At 5:00 am precisely everyday a kettle boils in an apartment in London. And a young quartermaster makes his first cup of Earl Grey.

By 5:02 pm Q walks back into the bedroom, favourite mug in hand and sits down at his small desk. He logs in to his laptop. What will it be today? he thinks, no one has threatened the Prime Minister in over week, what a record! The MI6 database appears on the screen, no new objectives.

‘Looks like a slow day’ Q says aloud to the cat brushing against his legs. The cat looks up with spectacle shaped markings around his eyes and softly meows as if in response.

‘Are you hungry?’ he asks the cat; its ears pick up. Q takes this as a yes and swiftly picks up the cat in one arm, mug and laptop in the other. After placing the cat on the counter and the laptop on the couch, then swapping the items. Q goes back to the kettle once more. You can never have enough earl grey, and with Q’s job, you need it.

Behind Q, his laptop comes to life a face appears on the screen.

‘Good morning Q!’ echoes through the small kitchen. Q looks back over his shoulder and sighs, pouring his new tea from his mug into a travel mug.

‘I know you can hear me’ the laptop sings, ‘show me that brilliant face of yours.’ Q trudges into view of the camera.

‘Morning’ he yawns.

‘Now I have proof that you are still alive. You need to come into headquarters.’ The screen replies. Q gestures to his travel mug.

‘I thought you would say that. But why so early? Don’t you ever sleep in, Moneypenny?’

‘Can’t afford it, things to do, people to see.’ Moneypenny replies with a grin.

‘Well, couldn’t you let me sleep in then?’

‘I’m surprised that you would want to sleep in on a day like this and all.’

‘It’s too early for your cryptic messages Eve. I’ve only had a few earl greys so far.’ Q says gesturing to the travel mug in his hand once again.

‘Honestly you don’t remember what day it is?’ Moneypenny asks, amused.

‘I’m not even sure what year it is… Why, what’s the date? It’s not your birthday is it! Oh God please don’t say it is!’

Moneypenny chuckles at Q’s reaction. ‘That’s next week Q, don’t worry I wouldn’t let you forget my birthday of all days.’

‘Okay, okay, not your birthday, that’s a relief… it’s not my birthday is it?’

‘I’m not convinced that that couldn’t happen with the amount of work that you do. Relax it’s not your birthday but it is about someone special.’ She replies with a wink.

‘Oh it has happened, forgetting my birthday, more than once actually...my brother found it far too entertaining. But okay, not either of our birthdays...Oh please just tell me! I do computer problems not people problems!’ Q pouts.

‘Oh stop with the puppy eyes, I’ll give you a clue. He has this stare that I know goes right through your soul. I know everything Q... Think about it.’

‘Oh…’ Q’s face lifts with realisation then relaxes as he stares into his travel mug.

Moneypenny watches Q for a moment. ‘Earth to Q, Earth to Q!’ she says waving her arms about the screen. ‘So are you coming in?’

Q downs last bit of his earl grey and leans out of frame to reheat the kettle. ‘Alright, alright, see you in 5’ he replies.

Q leaves the frame to look for his cardigan and MI6 ID.

‘Moneypenny over and out’ he hears and as he looks up, she shuts off video chat with a wink.

Q scrambles down the hall to the bedroom to change put of his pyjamas (Star Wars limited edition, of course). He manages to only trip twice over his cats. His second cat having been recently woken up by him tripping over his tail in the hallway.

The kettle clicks and Q is back in the kitchen once again. Balancing the laptop in his knee, he changes all the traffic lights on his route to work green. Everyone wonders how he can get to work in 5 minutes while living 15 minutes away. There is a rumour travelling around that Q can manipulate time, most people don’t put it past him. Q rather enjoys teasing the minions about it. ‘Stop messing around or I’ll change your family linage so you don’t exist’ is one of his favourite lines.

Mug in hand, bag on shoulder and Q is out the door. Usually Q would walk out of his door and down the stairs to the left. He doesn’t trust the elevator after an incident trapping him in for 10 hours. Not that he had wanted to cause the incident, he was just trying to speed it up so he wouldn’t be late. How was he supposed to know there was an old birds nest in the controls? And that his tinkering caused it to catch alight and fry the circuit? On average he can be out the door of his building in under 20 seconds.

Q swings the door open fast and steps out onto the landing. What he finds is that there is already someone there. Startled, Q reacts instinctively.

‘Well, hello there. I knew you would be happy to see me, but can you let me out of this arm lock.’ Q looks up to his hostage. Bond. ‘Please?’ the agent asks.

‘...You’re back!’ Q says still in shock. His eyebrows furrow. ‘Wait, you haven’t checked in at MI6 yet, have you?’ Q tries to look disapproving but his grin gives his excitement away.

‘Lucky I came to see you or I would have forgotten, nice hold by the way.’ Bond smirks. ‘Yeah, I should check in or M will have my head on a stake, how about we go in together? By the way, I noticed that the lights were stuck on green the whole way there. Seems you were on your way there too.’ He leans into Q and whispers ‘You caused 4 pile ups and a close call.’

Q stands up suddenly and mumbles ‘shit, shit, shit, I’ll fix it while you drive. I didn’t want to have to deal with the traffic, I’ll switch them back to normal as we pass.’

They both turn to the stairwell. Bond opening the door for Q. ‘I’ll have you know I only caused 3 of them this time’ Bond smirks.

‘Of course you did, and what was the other one? A freak of nature?’ Q shoots back, relived that the pileups aren’t all his fault.

‘Oh that last one was Moneypenny on her way to get coffee, don't mess with that woman when she needs caffeine.’

‘Oh I know…’ Q grimaces with a look of horror on his face ‘I found that out the hard way’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q opens the opaque glass door to his office, hitting a button on his desk, turning the door clear. The door comes in handy in keeping an eye on the minions. Without looking behind him he speaks.

‘Are you hoping that I’ll give you some new weapons to test if you hang around here?’ He says to the room. Behind him, 007 stills, caught in the act of sneaking in the door.

‘How do you do that Q? Do you have eyes on the back of your head or something?’ The agent tries to check for the theorised eyes. ‘And for weapons? Pfft, no? I just wanted to see my favourite…’ he trails of scanning the room (not so) subtly. ‘…Coaster, that is a nice coaster you have there…’

‘...You wanted to see my coaster?’ Q finally looks up at his agent, raising an eyebrow.

‘Well, where the coaster is, is your earl grey, and where that is, is you. So yes, I wanted to see who the coaster lead me too.’

‘Good save, 007. Although I wouldn’t have been completely surprised if you wanted to see my coaster. It’s pretty cool…’ Now it’s Q’s turn to smirk.

‘Well… I did give it to you, of course it is cool.’ Bond tries to out-smirk Q.

‘My adjustments helped of course.’ Q points out as he turns to his computer and logs in for the day.

‘Self-heating I have observed, nice, exactly how did you mana-’. Bond's question butchered short by the door opening suddenly.

A tall agent walks in. His dark blond hair scraping the top of the door frame. ‘Sorry... was I interrupting something?’ he says.

‘Ahh, Agent 009, not to worry, nothing life threatening. Brought your equipment back have you?’

009 places a pair of night vision underwater googles on the returns desk near the door. The desk consists of assorted gadgets in varying states of despair.

‘I brought it back in one piece’ 009 jokes sneering at 007.

‘That was one time 009!’ Bond retorts.

‘Whatever 007’ he says rolling his eyes.

Q interrupts the eye roll fest. ‘Always much appreciated 009, your next mission is Istanbul on the 28th, correct? I will have your equipment prepped a few hours before your flight'. Q turns to Bond smirking, ‘I hope you’re taking notes 007?’

‘Notes on being a suck up? Puh-lease.’ 007 says ignoring the fact that 009 is still in the room.  
‘Notes on being an agent that respects their equipment... And their quartermaster.’ Q turns back to 009. ‘I apologise for him. He is still annoyed about the lack of exploding stationary I’m producing. I’ll see you on the 28th, 009, have a good break.’ 

As soon as 009 closes the door, bond turns around and leans on Q’s desk.

‘You know I can respect you in way he could never’ Bond says flashing a smile. ‘And the lack of exploding stationary is quite alarming, it makes me wonder what you are up to, Q.’

‘Careful, Bond...’

‘Or. What?’ he says, creeping closer to Q.

‘That explodes’. Q nods in direction of the mug and coaster. Bond is dangerously close to knocking them over with his excessive leaning. Q doesn’t take his eyes away from laptop screen.

‘This? What I’m about to knock over?’ Bond replies, nowhere near the mug. He looks up expectantly at Q, annoyed that his attention is elsewhere but him.

‘Hmm, yep that’ Q replies still refusing to look back at Bond, typing on his computer.  
Bond lets out a frustrated whine. ‘I swear on that damned porcelain dog that you have a resolve of stone! One day I will get you to react.’

‘You double-ohs are all so dramatic…’ He finally swivels his chair around to face Bond.

Due to how he was leaning, Bond suddenly finds Q to be very close. ‘Uh...uh…’

Q looks at Bond innocently. ‘Yes, 007? What’s wrong? Cats’ got your tongue?’

Bond tries to form words but isn’t quite sure why he can’t. He stops gaping and finds his resolve, and sass. ‘No, but I know a certain letter I just can’t seem to get enough of’ he smirks.

‘Oh really? there’s some numbers I’m rather fond of too’

Bond looks into Q’s eyes, ‘I do hope it isn’t 009’

‘Hmm...no, 009 isn’t quite my type’ 

Bond slides in closer… ‘does this number end in a seven?’ Closer again.

Then as if a firework went off, the door slams open and in barges M tailed by Moneypenny and Tanner.

Bond springs back from Q and slams almost into the wall. He pretends to admire Q’s framed achievements. Q swings upright and knocks over the mug and coaster without noticing. Q looks up, Moneypenny is giving the two the all-knowing eye. M is oblivious already ranting about some mission and Tanner is downright startled.

‘Oh! Ahh good morning Sirs...and Madam, what can I do for you?’ Q says quite red in the face.

‘We came to see if you were busy, but I seems Bond has you all tied, or should I say, choked up.’ Moneypenny informs.

‘Ahh umm not sure what you're getting at Moneypenny. I am indeed free, 007 just happens to be hanging around in the hopes of testing new weapons. So, what can I do for you?’ Q says as he straightens his back and looks straight at M.

The forever oblivious M finally realises has the attention he came for. ‘The car you requested for 009 is ready, Q. It should be operational as of now. I know you like to product test everything yourself. It’s in hangar one.’

‘Ahh of course, thank you for informing me. I’ll test it out this afternoon and finish any necessary tweaks in time for 009’s mission. Was that all?’ Q raises an eyebrow. He wonders about why M, Moneypenny and Tanner would all come to his office just to tell him that.

The three suspicious figures file out of the office. Curious as he is, Q brings up the surveillance camera outside of his office up on his screen as they leave. Through Q’s speakers he can hear ‘Hand it over fellas!’. M and Tanner both hand over 20 pounds to Moneypenny, a bet of some sort, on the screen.

Chuckling to himself, Q turns around to show Bond. But Bond isn’t looking at him like he normal is, but is staring intensely at the ground by his desk.

‘Earth to Bond…?’ he mocks, lightly punching the agent’s arm.

‘Huh?’ the agent responds not looking up from the point under the desk.

Q leans down to see what Bond is staring at and sees his mug. ‘You alright Bond? Going to pass me my mug back?’

‘That depends on whether I will have any fingers left to pass it back with any... second... from... now…’

‘What are you...Oh...it doesn’t actually explode’

‘What? No! You’re telling me that I have been fearing for your life not to mention mine all because of a non-exploding mug? I am starting to see a cheeky side to you Q, using mugs to cock-block me before… tut tut.’

‘Well an exploding mug would have a rather short life span. It just shocks anyone who tries to put anything other than earl grey in it. Nothing life threatening...unless you have a pacemaker…’

‘Well, damn, there goes that idea.’

‘No one messes with my tea’

‘And no one messes with my Q… now tell me what about this car you have ordered for 009? Why don’t I get one?’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long, and not as dull as he thought it would be this morning, day. Q is finally logging out of his desktop to return to his apartment to sleep like the dead.

Bond walks up behind him. Q isn’t exactly sure if Bond ever leaves his office when he is at headquarters, he is just always there. Not that he minds at all.

‘Ready to go home Q?’ Bond asks trying to hide a yawn. It has really been a tiring day.

‘Yeah, just give me a sec.’ Q searches his pockets for a moment before pulling out a small box. He opens it, hiding its contents from 007.

‘What do you have there?’ Bond questions.

‘Just… Ahh… something.’ Q thinks for a moment. ‘It’s for you.’

‘Me? Oh please tell me it is an exploding pen!’

‘Not a pen, sorry.’ Q replies holding out the object in his palm to the agent.

‘What’s this, Q?’

‘Do you need to redo your eyesight testing? It’s ahh… a ring’

‘I know what it is, but what’s it for?’

‘It’s a monitor, it monitors your heart rate’

‘But didn’t you inject me with that tracking device last month, that has all my vitals?’

‘Yes, but this one is special’

‘What’s special about it?’

‘It’s a promise, a promise that you’ll always comeback from your missions alive, and in one piece. Do you promise?’

‘Of course, Q, always.’ Bond pulls Q into a hug. ‘Always.’


	2. Surprise

**Chapter 02 ‘Surprise’ - Exploding Pen Universe**

‘IDIOTS!’

 

‘We’re sorry ma’am’

 

‘YOU’RE SORRY? YOU WILL BE! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO COMPROMISE THE WHOLE COOPERATION IN UNDER 10 MINUTES?’

 

‘It was the kid again, ma’am.’

 

‘WHAT KID? ARE YOU TELLING ME A CHILD OVERPOWERED TWO OF MY BURLIEST MEN? WHERE IS HE NOW? BRING THE CHILD TO ME!’

 

‘We can’t, he’s not here.’

 

‘NOT HERE?’

 

‘Ma’am, it’s not just any kid, he hacked our systems and took control of all the electronic machinery.’

 

‘HE TOOK YOU TWO DOWN WITHOUT EVEN BEING IN THE ROOM?’

 

‘Yes. Ma’am, it wasn’t a fair fight, you can’t blame us.’

 

‘OF COURSE IT WASN’T FAIR, YOU’RE TWICE HIS AGE AND THERE WAS TWO OF YOU TO ONE OF HIM!’

 

It goes quiet, the two operatives don’t dare make a sound. The woman raises her arm and they instinctively step back.

 

‘You there’ she says deathly calm, pointing to the left operative. ‘You said ‘again’, what do you mean?’

 

‘Ma’am, I’m sure you’ve heard of the hacker under the name of ‘QT’.’

 

‘QT? As in the letters? Why yes, I have heard of him, I would’ve never thought that he would dare attack me. Are you sure it is him? Why is this the first time I am hearing of this?’

 

‘He was a minor problem before, only messing with small circuits, turning lights on and off remotely. He never posed a threat.’

 

‘Not a threat? I am afraid that you two imbeciles and the whole tech department are now on my ‘to exterminate’ list. Not a threat! Pfft. If anyone is close to knowing the extent that little rodent can worm his way into a network and destroy everything, it is me.’

 

The operatives fidget under their superior’s gaze. One bursts out a question in compulsion.

 

‘How do you know that?’ The woman’s head snaps to the one that spoke, an evil grin on her face.

 

‘Speaking out of line is a black strike against your name, you know that. However, I will let this one slide. As for your question. QT, as you know him, was once close to me. I taught him everything he knows while he unknowingly taught me more. Hence I am surprised he dare attack me, he knows he can’t win against me, I made him, named him, my poor QT, what have you done?’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Bond, Q to Bond. Are you hearing me? Respond if you can hear me. Over.’

 

No response.

 

‘Bond I swear if you have blown up your communications wire again the chances of you ever getting an exploding pen ever again will appear rather slim. Over.’

 

Static arrives through the speakers in Q’s office.

 

‘Come on Bond, don’t you dare leave me hanging. Over.’

 

The speaker crackles. A signal attempting to connect.

 

‘Come on Bond…’

 

‘Q…?’ A response.

 

‘Come in Bond. What is your position? Your tracking has blown. Over.’

 

‘Q? I can’t hear you.’

 

‘Damn it, Bond. Not again.’ Q boost the signal; his office is now full of static. More silence.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

15 minutes (or 5 depending on who you are) away, in a small apartment full of mugs and cats and other important things, like tea, a door is unlocked and an uninvited visitor enters.

 

A gloved hand expertly disables the intricate alarm system within seconds. The apartment is at the mercy of the invader.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Moneypenny’s phone rings as she rides the elevator from the hanger of headquarters. 009’s new car has just been cleared of its final checks and is ready to go.

 

‘Hello Q’ she says into the phone. ‘What can I do for you?’

 

‘He’s not answering again Moneypenny.’ A frustrated Q responds.

 

‘Again? Boy, when will 007 learn to answer his bloody phone?’

 

‘The signal is strained. A while ago I managed to connect but the call dropped before I could respond. Static since then.’

 

‘I’m betting 10 that he’s damaged the communication wire in some way. R will be furious. He spent months’ weapon proofing it and he is the weapon expert after all. You should call R; he’ll test the wire.’

 

‘Good idea. And oh, I’ll bet 20 that Bond doesn’t bring back the wire at all.’

 

‘You’re on Q, I’ve got to run. Adios.’

 

Q sighs and pulls up the communications to Bond again. _Come on Bond, I can’t believe you’ve abandoned me again._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bond’s current situation is what you could call delicate. He cannot be seen, heard or detected in any way to complete his mission. His target must be completely unaware of his movements for him to successfully complete his mission. Which is the reason why he had to imitate damage to the wire and sever his connection to Q. Any form of communication will compromise the mission.

 

The room is dark and he works quickly, there is not much time left. His watch flashes, he has a few hours before his target arrives, there is just enough time. Something flickers in the corner of his eye. He has been seen.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q packs up for the end of the day absolutely exhausted, the sun had set long ago. R had come to help solve the problem with the wire to no avail. After several hours of going around in circles and many, many cups of tea later, R had concluded that the fault was on Bond’s side and nothing they could do from this end could fix it. It was almost like Bond was blocking the signal, which would be preposterous, thought Q, he knows the protocol, he wouldn’t dare block the signal. But it is Bond, you never know.

 

R got an urgent phone call and had to leave an hour ago so Q was left to his thoughts alone in his office. _Might as well just go home_.

 

As Q exits his office he notices that the headquarters is deserted. No minions, no M, no Moneypenny, R, Tanner, any 00s. This is not supposed to happen. Q looks around suspiciously.

 

 _Why…? This is weird_.

 

Q knows that the desks must be manned at all times, in case an agent gets into trouble and back up is required. So then why is the office deserted?

 

Q quickly ducks in and out of rooms, nothing.

 

_What is happening?_

 

Q cautiously moves through headquarters; you could almost hear the suspense. His office door is ajar.

_But I just locked it…_

 

Q creeps closer. The frosted over glass obscures his vision from inside, he moves even closer. There are hushed voices.

 

A rough voice is heard. ‘Are you sure we are alone, Marcus, I heard something.’

 

‘I didn’t hear nothin’, get back to work, we haven’t got long before the alarm turns back on.’ The second voice was obviously in charge.

 

‘You just used a double negative, idiot.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘I didn’t hear nothin’ is a double negative, it’s bad grammar.’

 

‘You’ll have bad grammar if you don’t stop talkin’’

 

‘Whoa, rightio boss. Pulling out the ‘harsh’ comebacks’

 

Q shifts his weight; he now has a direct line of sight of the two men. They are upturning his office.

_What are they looking for…?_

 

One of them stops and speaks into his wire. He turns to his accomplice.

 

‘We’ve gotta bounce, 30 seconds until the alarm resets.’

 

‘But we haven’t found what she wants.’

 

_She_

 

‘We’ve run out of time.’

 

‘She won’t let this slide if we fail.’

 

‘Then take something! Just grab that mug. It’s got his DNA on it, good enough.’

 

Q watches as his favourite mug is unceremoniously stuffed into a backpack.

 

‘5 seconds. Get ready.’

 

_Ready for what?_

 

‘4, 3, 2…’

 

_Now they don’t have time to leave the office before the alarm turns back on… What are they doing? Do they want to set the alarm off? Not very good burglars they are… Wait, how did they manage to disable the alarm in the first place?_

 

‘1…’

 

And they are gone.

 

Q shuffles back from his hiding place in shock. People couldn’t just disappear.

 

The door closes and locks, the alarm has reset. It doesn’t wail. They got away.

 

_There has to be a logical solution to this!_

 

He stands, on the frosted door of his office, there is one word.

 

Parallax.

 

Written in red lipstick.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In a darkened location 007 is in a standoff. If he moves the perpetrator who spotted him will attack. If he stays still, he might escape. The glinting eyes follow his shape in the dark, evaluating him. It edges closer, inches from his face, 007 can feel its breath on his face. He can escape if it turns around, if he is that lucky.

 

Time is running out, setting up his plan had taken longer than expected. A car alarm sounds somewhere outside, it turns.

 

007 is quick to react and the standoff is over, the victim taken care off.

 

007 reconnects his wire.

 

He whispers into it, ‘location is ready, proceed with caution.’

 

The reply: ‘on our way.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q stars at the door, he’s seen this word before. He knows this word, but it can’t be. It doesn’t exist

 

_This is bad, this is really bad… Where the hell is everybody! And hey, they took my mug!_

 

Q’s phone buzzes and he jumps.

 

It’s M.

 

‘Hello?’ He answers.

 

‘Hello Q, something has come up and I need you immediately.’

 

‘Of course, but… I don’t know if you know this but headquarters is abandoned…’

 

‘I am aware, Q.’

 

‘But the desks have to be manned at all times! What if an agent needs help?’

 

‘Q, I am sure agent 007 can survive a little while on his own. If Moneypenny has told me correctly, he has been alone for a while, he will be fine. Don’t fret.’

 

‘But…’

 

‘Q, I need you to focus, I need you to do something for me. It is top priority.’

 

‘Of course, what is it?’ _What could possibly be more important that an unmanned headquarters is brushed off as a slight inconvenience?_

 

‘Do you still have the files on the Cannes Case?’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘Good, I need them urgently, find them.’

 

‘But they are in my apartment…’

 

‘What are they doing there, Q?’

 

‘Light reading?’

 

‘Whatever Q, just find them.’

 

‘Alright M, you’ll have them soon.’

 

_What a weird day I am having. Bond ruined his wire again, R leaving rushed after the urgent phone call, the vacant headquarters, Parallax, my mug, oh my poor mug, and now this from M? Somethings up… And I will find out what._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Back in the small apartment full of tea, someone still lurks. Their plan has not yet been completed. But they must hurry as the owner is running green lights all the way home.

 

They know this. They hide and wait.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q hurtles up the last of the stairs to his apartment, unaware of what awaits him inside. He approaches the door, no trace of any disturbance is found. He unlocks it and walks inside.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

All breath is held; he mustn’t know yet.

 

Q walks into the kitchen, not yet, wait for it. A hand tightens around its arsenal.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Q flicks the light switch and the room is ablaze, explosions go off and shrapnel flies in his direction. Someone grabs him from behind.

Those who were hidden now show themselves and rush at Q.

 

For a few seconds Q can’t see anything but blinding light, he starts to fight off the captor grabbing him from behind. A jab into the ribs, he is free.

 

Q comes out of his shock and scans the room.

 

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ The hidden ‘assassins’ yell at him.

 

Q turns, 007 is leaning against the doorframe slightly winded.

 

‘Wow, you pack quite a punch there, Q’ he says with a grin.

 

Q is speechless. Then he moves.

 

‘What. The. Hell. Bond. What. Where. You. Thinking.’ Q scolds, a word to each slap on the agent.

 

‘Woah Q, calm down.’ Bond replies warding off the attack. ‘It’s a surprise party!’

 

‘What?’ Q turns around, he sees M, Moneypenny, R, Tanner, a bunch of 00 agents and his minions crowding his kitchen armed with party poppers and streamers. He looks at the date on his watch.

 

_I forgot again. It’s my birthday._

 

‘Hey Q!’ Moneypenny gets his attention. ‘See, I told you, only you could forget your own birthday!’

 

‘Very funny Moneypenny…’

 

007 walks back up behind Q in a hug. ‘What do you think Q? Want some birthday cake?’

 

Q turns around to face 007. ‘I thought you were on a mission Bond?’

 

‘Well, I was, just not the one you thought I was. I was setting up your surprise.’

 

‘You did all of this?’ Q gestures to the decorations in his kitchen. ‘And everyone was in on it?’

 

‘Pretty much, yeah.’

 

‘I don’t know what to say Bond, thank you.’

 

‘Anything for you, Q.’

 

‘Yo, you two!’ 009 calls them. ‘Are we having cake or not?’

 

‘And here is a cup of tea for the one and only Q,’ Moneypenny says as she sets down Q’s second favourite mug on the table next to Q.

 

_Ah yes, tea, just what I need. Oh no, my mug… Parallax…_

 

‘M!’

 

‘What is it Q?’

 

‘Headquarters… why is it deserted?’

 

‘Because everyone is here for your party, I gave them the evening off.’

 

Q grows sombre. ‘M, there was a break in.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘As I was leaving my office was broken into, two men disabled the alarm and managed to escape without setting it off!’

 

‘And you saw them?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Will they be on the tapes?’

 

‘I already checked, they somehow have managed to bypass the firewall that I built, which should be impossible. The footage is wiped. And they took my mug!’

 

007, who was listening intently to the conversation buts in, ‘they took your mug?’ He turns to M, ‘we need to find these men immediately.’

 

‘Yes, yes of course 007, but what about the party? Q?’

 

‘Well, they are gone now. We can start tomorrow.’ Q replies.

 

M looks uncertain but agrees. ‘Are you sure of what you saw Q?’

 

‘Certain. And there’s more.’ Q pauses. ‘They left a message. On my door… in red lipstick.’

 

‘Lipstick?’ Bond interjects

 

‘Yes, it read ‘Parallax’.’

 

M’s party popper he was holding is suddenly crushed. ‘Q, did you say Parallax?’

 

‘Yes. Wait, what do you know about it?’

 

‘Not important.’

 

_M knows about Parallax? No body but me knows about Parallax? What is happening? Dear God it has been a long day…_

 

Down the hall, 009 has his gun pulled on the closet door. ‘Hey, you guys, there is something in the closet.’ Sure enough, movement could be heard within.

 

A comical amount of guns have now been pulled on the offending door. Whoever dared to stake out this apartment in the closet is in trouble.

 

009 speaks up, ‘on three I’ll open the door.’ He gestures 1… 2… 3…

 

The door swings open. Spectacle like markings stare back up at them.

 

Q leans down to the intruder. ‘Why are you in the closet?’ He says to the cat.

 

‘Um, that might’ve been my fault…’ Bond says quietly in the back. ‘They saw me when I was setting up and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise so I…. put them behind the closest door, which happens to be the closet…’

 

‘You’re lucky there are witnesses here Bond, or I’ll have your head for mistreating my cats.’

 

‘Thank God for that…’ Bond nervously laughs.

 

Moneypenny interjects, ‘alright, now that the murderer in the closet has been eliminated, it’s cake time!’ She shoos them all into the kitchen. All hands and agents on deck, the current mission: cake.

 

As Q walks back into the kitchen he notices the banner on the wall. It reads:

 

**Happy Birthday Q from 007**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Ripley!  
> Thanks for all the inspiration and being awesome  
> Enjoy this present of a chapter :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank Ripley for all the help on the dialogue and inspiration on this Universe :)
> 
> More Chapters Coming...


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